no-one told me time would become so scarce, feel so precious, be gone so soon; or if they did, i wasn't listening, dreaming of the grand adventures that awaited me as a grown-up. suddenly, the wait is over. and it's all happening way too fast.

i have just emerged from my first quarter among this protective, tree-lined new campus. every gentle day's sunshine followed my usual trail from dorm to class and back. my friends were my study groups, my exercise the ride to class, my entertainment graduate parties on the far side of campus. it was immersive to the point of isolation, a world purposefully built to be both providing and enclosing.

but i knew what i was getting into, and i'm happy to have emerged from battle relatively intact. a lot of the time, it was even downright enjoyable; as often as i pine about whether or not i am doing the right thing with my life, it is easy to forget that i really do like what i do. this may be one hell of a dorky mathematical and engineering adventure - but it's my adventure. in between learning about support vector machines and cache coherency, i'm learning a little bit about myself. i'm still searching for courage, still looking for answers, still discovering the world and hopefully improving myself. i'm no hero, but i can't say i'm disappointed with this choice of spending my time.

what a choice! is there any opportunity cost greater than time? looking back on days that seemed out of my control, i see deadlines turning me into a helpless observer of my own life. in those spells, my choices were made for me: x hours of assignment a, y hours of assignment b, sleep, repeat. what a way to creep ahead of time's chariot, too tired to look over your shoulder and see the days going by.

sometimes i lay in bed at night, unable to even conceptualize how incredibly lucky i am to be alive, to have this life. i want to see everything, do everything, meet everyone; i want to steal back the time that's already slipped away, and draw out the days yet to escape. it's all so crazy, so unbelievable. what the hell is time, anyway? it's infinite, but non-existent. it needs us, we need it. i know it's been said a million different ways, a million different times, but here it is: what the hell are we doing on this rock, in the middle of cosmic nowhere, at this time?

whatever the reason, this is it. one life to love, laugh, cry, see, think. this is our time. i'm so thankful for the people i've had to spend it with. i miss my best friend wasting her time with me, getting lost with me. i don't want to get stuck in this adventure at the expense of all the rest. i want to slow it all down, soak it all in. i want to take a deep breath, and believe: there will be time.

ironically, i just received this message: "Laptop battery low. You have approximately 9 minutes of battery life remaining." you win this time, universe.